The question I ask myself everyday is “How can a world where I have thousands of fans/supporters that are constantly giving me the attention and compliments i’ve always wanted, still at the end of the day, make me feel so alone?” Coming up to almost a year being in the business there are many things I’ve learned… about society, about people in general, but most of all about myself.

Being 19 and thrown into a world that is unlike any other, a world where you are judged on a daily basis, a world that most will never experience or understand. It’s a world where if you’re not careful you can lose who you are quickly, and travel down a path of mass destruction, poor decisions, regrettable habits, and a path of temporary happiness. I’ve seen this first hand, and at times from some of my closest colleagues… the sad thing is, I can never to help them. With a mentality that everything is fine, that they are fine, its hard to help those who don’t want to be helped. So, the reality of it was that I was going to help myself by becoming an observer in all situations, and by promising myself that I’d never let myself go down that road. I make it sound that easy right? Well if I didn’t have the support and guidance from my closest friends, family, and the guidance from a company that treats me more than just a model or porn-star, but as a human being, I’m afraid to even think where I’d be today. I’m not perfect, my first couple months in the business were yes, probably the funnest, but definitely not the healthiest. With this new flow of income I never had and the constant exposure to new people/places, I’ve managed to get into some situations or done somethings that probably weren’t the smartest. But not once have I regretted anything… like everything else in life it’s a learning process, I’m just thankful that I caught on early enough.

Max Ryder

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Ik volg het reilen en zeilen van Ryder al een tijdje via zijn blog en Instagram. Pornoacteurs associeer je met een lijf. Daar draait het in de sexindustrie toch om, niet ? Maar pornoacteurs – en actrices werden sterren; vandaag noemen ze zich model. En net als die fashion models staan ze op de eerste rij bij niet ranzige, uptown feestjesRyder vergaat het net zo.

Maar er is meer en het is precies dat wat me zo boeit in zijn verhaal en wat hij hier schrijft. Hij is zich goed bewust dat alles in de sector draait om zijn lijf, en toch hunkert hij naar intellectuele aandacht. Aandacht die zelfs die glitter and glamour overstijgt. Ik ben er van overtuigd dat deze carrière maar de start is van iets nieuws. Van een boek, een film, … van whatever. Een boeiend figuur, die ik blijf volgen.